Dealing with Discouragement

Over the past few weeks I’ve been engaging a process during these COVID times that I had honestly been avoiding like the plague (sorry for the pun). A task that frankly I would look at and shake my head and walk away from. That task was going through 16 years of office related files and memorabilia that entered my home over a year ago when we had to unfortunately close our church doors (there is a long story behind all that).

Honestly, I don’t know IF you have ever had to wade through something along these lines, but I imagine many of us have in one way or another. The memories, the recollections, the celebrations and the disappointments were piled high in a bunch of random boxes in the corner of our basement. The thought of going through all that for the past year has been daunting and at time downright debilitating. But with so much time on my hands due to the COVID self-isolation I finally decided to dive in despite all my personal objections, reasoning, and fears.

As I jumped in the first area I decided to tackle was the many files of sermons, teaching, and preaching that I had accumulated both on paper and on my computer hard drive. As you might imagine it was an enormous task. I roughly calculated that I preached on average 40 weeks of every year over my 16 years at Discovery Church and in addition to that was the three years of preaching and teaching while attending seminary and working at Fresno Pacific University. Not to mention the many lectures, guest speaking and teaching opportunities that came along the way. In total I roughly estimated that this meant I was going to have to sort through over 700 files and paper copies. Maybe it was that reality that led to my fears and not all the other things I mentioned earlier.

So, over the past few weeks I have sorted, separated, and organized over a countless number of hours. As expected, my emotions ran the full gamut from disappointment to discouragement and even to the point of depression from time-to-time. Some days I mopped around, some days I grumped at my wife (which is not always the best in these isolation days when we are together 24/7), and other days I just simply avoided.

Now, during this time I came to a major realization that caused me to write this today and that is the reality that I have NEVER been good with dealing with disappointment and discouragement. No matter how much I want to admit it or not, I am way better at avoiding then I am at dealing. However, the problem with avoiding and not dealing with things that come our way in life (like the days we are living in at this present time) is those issues don’t go away. They don’t magically leave and disappear over time. The truth is, avoiding, dodging, or sidestepping the challenges or issues that come our way will ultimately lead to long-term disappointment, discouragement, and even worse.

 

So, what’s the solution when things that really matter to us don’t go the way we think they should? What are the options available to us when we find ourselves disappointed, discouraged, or even depressed over past wounds, hurts, issues or challenges?

Well, over the course of the next series of blogs I am going to endeavour to dive into this by engaging a series of three vital questions that we all need to think through to move beyond being stuck in our disappointments. They are WHAT are the reasons we get discouraged? WHAT causes us to get discouraged? And ultimately, what can we do when we find ourselves discouraged along the journey of life and faith?

Now, as I dive into these questions my hope is that some of the musings that present themselves will be of benefit to you and those you love. Especially during times like this with all the uncertainty, ambiguity and anxiety that comes with living in these unprecedented times for many of us.

Looking forward to the journey ahead and the freedom that can come when we engage a new reality, a new way of dealing with the discouragements that can come each and every one of our ways in this thing called life!

With you in it all,

Rev Trev

Dealing with the UNEXPLAINED!

ves·tib·u·lar

Relating to a vestibule, particularly that of the inner ear, or more generally to the sense of balance.

Today I was introduced to something new 7 months and 15 days into the journey that I never saw coming: Vestibular Testing!

The purpose of Vestibular Function Tests (VFTs) is to determine the health of the vestibular portion of the inner ear. Some VFTs are used to determine if your dizziness, vertigo, or balance problem is caused by brain disorder. In my case, the testing was actually done to make sure that I didn’t have a problem with my inner ear as a result of my double concussions.

Why test now you may wonder?

Well, the first reason is I am now working with pretty much a whole new team of people having centralized my recovery to one clinic at Fortius Sport & Health (https://www.fortiussport.com).

The second reason was even more interesting since an episode that I experienced just a couple of days ago. This event happened while having dinner with my family at a little pasta place in Penticton B.C. where my daughter is moving in a few weeks. While finishing up dinner I experienced a sudden darkening of the room around me that sent my head spinning. It was the weirdest feeling almost reminiscent of an experience I had on one of the world’s steepest rollercoasters where I literally blacked out for a second or two while experiencing some pretty significant G-forces. When this happened in the restaurant in an unseemingly insignificant moment in time it was very disconcerting. I literally had to get up and go outside with my daughter to escape the strange sensation that was causing my world to spin out of control. It took about an hour for this strange feeling to subside and when I explained it to my current physiotherapist and my kinesiologist, they both immediately suggested we test for any disturbances in my vestibular functioning.

Well, I am glad to report that there are no apparent problems with my vestibular functioning which is awesome! However, that means there is no obvious reason for the episode I experienced in that little restaurant in the Okanagan.

Which brings me to the main thought for this blog and that is what do we do with the things that are unexplainable?

You know, along the way I have had many of these types of experiences. From pains in the back and side without any accompanying or presenting reason. To dizziness and light-headedness that comes without any warning. To physical problems with my stomach and other areas of my body that would by all apparent reasoning have nothing to do with a concussed brain. When this happens to me personally one of the things that occurs is it quickly raises my anxiety which has been a complication of the concussion. Currently, my ability to deal with anxiety producing events is compromised because my body has been in ‘flight or fight’ mode for far too long. The team that is working with me thinks that it has been at least 4-5 months of my body being in this situation and that I can tell you is not good at all to say the least! Constant adrenaline over stimulation can cause all kinds of unexplainable issues and challenges to one’s health and recovery progress.

Another challenge that comes into my world when the unexplainable occurs is I often drift into the negative. In other words, I tend to focus on the “what now” rather than trusting that it is all part of the journey that I never would ever have imagined I would be on! Now, I don’t know if you deal with the challenge of pessimism in your life’s journey, but I can tell you from experience (for all kinds of reasons that I won’t go into) pessimism is not a good companion to anxiety issues of any kind. The two are actually deadly partners in the recovery process whether it is from a TBI or cancer or any other life altering challenge that can come an individual’s way. They actually create an endless cycle that causes our minds and hearts to focus on the things that actually are often out of our control!

Roger Barrier in Leadership magazine suggests:

Personally, I agree with Barrier, but I would also suggest this rewording is also quite true of any of our lives and that is:

You know, life will throw all kinds of things our way in this thing called the journey of life and faith. That is an unescapable reality! Which is why one of the biggest things we all can do is find a way to deal with the unexplainable or the unexpected. In other words, we all need a plan or strategy or better yet something or someone to turn to in those inevitable moments of life’s pathway!

Personally, for me it is my faith in Jesus Christ that inevitably anchors my life when it is on the cusp of moving in a direction that I could never have expected!

Now, that is not to say that it makes these moments any easier! Actually Jesus Himself said that there would be difficult moments along life’s journey (see John 16:33) but in the end with God’s strength in my life, I can focus on something other than what I see right before my eyes. When I allow God’s Spirit to cover my life, I can trust in His control over whatever comes my way, rather than trying to control the unexplained or unexpected in my own strength and power (which is ever so limited as I am reminded in this journey).

Life is full of the unexpected! Life is filled with the unexplainable! Life is complicated in ways we will never fully comprehend! The most important thing that any of us can do when these things happen is to find a strength beyond us that will help us endure the challenges that come our way. My prayer as I write this is you will find that in the form of the only One who truly can guide you through the dark valleys and moments. Jesus is the only source that can fully support us through those places. I love how the shepherd turned King described it in one of the most famous and popular words found in the Bible when he wrote:

Travelling the journey with you,

Rev Trev

March is Brain Injury Awareness Month!

Today, March 1 begins Brain Injury Awareness Month! 

Throughout the month, I will be posting about a journey that God has just opened the doors to since the closing of our church community. Here is today's post about some amazing news that came my way this past week.

So, one of the things that we have discovered in this journey that we never saw coming for us as a family is most of the movement towards finding assistance has come from our actively seeking out help beyond what the traditional medical system has offered us.

In my situation as many of you know, it took 3 months before I was able to see a specialist and that only happened through God opening doors when we responded to a FB post from the Watson Centre for Brain Health. They had a seminar on nutrition and brain health, and we were desperate to find anything that could help us in the recovery process. Through responding to the post on FB I was introduced to Josh Poirier the Executive Director who upon hearing about my injury invited me to come for a free assessment to see if their program could help me in my journey. However, after spending an interesting and challenging afternoon going through the assessment it was determined that I was too early in my recovery for the program to be of any positive benefit. Needless to say, I was devastated! I had really placed a lot of hope in the reality that this would be something that would assist me to get back to ‘normal’ life (if there is such a thing). I completely understood the reasons why this was not the right timing but when you are desperate for direction and healing from an injury to the brain it isn’t always easy to hear that kind of news.

Well, flash forward to this week. This past Sunday we attended the final service for the church community that we had led and loved for the past sixteen years. It was a day of strong emotion, grieving and also rejoicing and celebration. Then over the first couple of days of this week I spent time with some faithful people tearing down the memories of that journey as we cleaned out the rental space we had been privileged to use the past nine years. It goes without saying that this was a difficult time seeing the building bare of the hopes and dreams that were evident in the banners, and items that adorned the walls and hallways.

By Wednesday I was feeling worn out, tired, mentally fatigued and drained. But an interesting event was on my calendar for the day: an appointment with Josh. We had attempted to connect over the course of the past few weeks when he noticed that I had signed up for another seminar at the Watson Centre. But with the crazy weather (snow in the Vancouver area) things never worked out until this past Wednesday when I had my first new appointment for physiotherapy at Fortius Sport and Health which is another post for another day.

Well, to make a long story much shorter after meeting with Josh and discussing where my journey was at seven months later, I was invited to a trial the week of March 11 to once again determine if they can support me in my recovery. Needless to say, I am very excited and hopeful as this seems to be another example of God’s timing being way better than my own! On Monday and Wednesday of that week I will be once again going through the process and then we will gather together and discuss the future. I appreciate all and every prayer for this time as we continue to work towards recovery from this journey that has forever changed me for the better!

Blessings and peace to one and all,

Rev Trev

The Day After

SO… what do I say today? 

The day after having to close a dream. The day after having to end sixteen years of blood, sweat, and tears. The day after having to bring a close to some of the hardest moments of my life as well as some of the most incredible moments. The day after having to say goodbye to friendships and relationships that have been part of my life since I landed in Maple Ridge as a young (not by age) pastor with all the vision and passion that many men and women enter into ministry with. The day after!

Honestly, I really don’t even know where to begin. Yesterday was a tough but inspiring day for everyone in attendance. People from the past, people from the present, and people who became part of our lives through the many opportunities that presented themselves over the years outside of the central focus of ministry at Discovery gathered with us. We worshipped, we prayed, we listened, and we were taught. We cried, we laughed, we smiled, we hugged, we ate, and we shared stories together.  

But in the end, everyone knew that the reason we were there was to say goodbye to a dream. To a way of life, a community, that had become part of their lives at some point along their personal and family journeys.

For some, this was their one and only connection with a church ever. Jesus was just a word that was uttered in anger, or in other ways to express emotion but was never associated with a connection to the heart. The reality of this community coming to an end, a community where they literally raised their families was an overwhelming and heart-breaking day.

For others, this was not their first merry-go-round! You see, the reality is this was the third church in this building (which is a whole other story for another day) that failed to survive. Some of the people in attendance yesterday were there for each and every one of the closures of God’s church in this location in our city. To them, there was familiarity and fear associated with being in that situation once again. To them, there was the pain of loss once again but there was also a sense of peace and hope that shone through in the words, the songs, the prayers, and the fellowship.

For some, this was something that just did not make any sense whatsoever. The place was packed out in a way that we had not seen in years. And for some of the people in attendance yesterday they could not understand why it was necessary to close the doors. Some asked innocently, “Why couldn’t we keep it going with someone else in charge?” Some who were not in the loop of all that had come our way over the past year asked, “Why did the church have to close?” I heard more than once, “Can’t we just start this up again once you are healthy again?” I think all of these questions were valid considering the spirit that was in the room for the most part! It wasn’t so much like a funeral (as some expected) but more of a celebration and there was an energy that we had not felt in months because of the presence of so many more people.

But, nevertheless here I am reflecting and writing about what do I say today?

Well, I say with a heavy heart that I am grateful. Even though it seems like a bit of an oxymoron to say it that way I am grateful. Grateful for the years, the learning, the challenges, the successes, the losses, the friends, the relationships, the memories and the moments, that can never be forgotten!

Honestly, when the end comes for something in our lives it is so much easier for us to get focused on the difficult times and situations that have led us to that outcome. But the reality is those moments are far outweighed by the hundreds of moments and memories that make up sixteen years of ministry to one church family and almost twenty-two years to the community at large.

Over the previous week I met with individuals who never graced the doors of the church building where we gathered who mentioned that their lives were impacted by our presence. One former neighbour mentioned how his perception of pastors and priests was forever changed by our time together. Others shared with me that I would never know the impact I had on their lives even though they had not made a commitment to follow Jesus over the time that we shared life together here in this beautiful part of God’s creation. And then there’s the teenagers who today tower over me in stature, that I held in my arms and wondered alongside their parents about what the future would bring for them. Honestly, I think that is one of the things I will miss the most and that is watching them continue to grow and the things that God will bring into their lives along the way.

The reality is, I don’t think there are enough pages to record all the memories or moments that have come along with this journey the past sixteen years. However, I will say this for whatever it is worth and that is I wished I had recorded more of them somehow or in some way. The truth is, life is busy and we often move through it without giving much thought to days like these. Maybe we know in the backs of our minds that endings are inevitable in one way or another. But we just get so caught up in the day-to-day that we fail to take the time to stop, reflect, ponder and record those moments that can far too easily fade over time.

Yet, at the same time loss is part of ending. And today I am sad. I am sad and heavy hearted. Maybe it is just part of my personality and nurture, but I tend to be more pessimistic than optimistic. And even though the sun is shining at the moment through our living room window where I am sitting in my recliner, I can’t help think about the ‘why’ and the ‘what if’s’ of the ending of our time here in Maple Ridge. Why did things wind up the way they did? Why did this double concussion enter my world in a time when the community of faith I had dedicated my life to perhaps needed me most? What if we had done things differently? What could we have done to prepare ourselves for the challenges that came our way over the past couple of years?

Honestly, with the end comes a whole slew of ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’! And frankly, they can drive a person insane. They can drive a person even deeper into despair if we allow them free reign in our minds, hearts, and souls! Which is why the Bible tells us to take every thought captive. The Apostle Paul write in Second Corinthians chapter 10, verse 5: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Basically, Paul challenges us to do something about all thoughts that are not well-pleasing to God, before they enter our hearts and become a part of us. And in this situation, when reflecting on the end of something we care about, something we’ve invested deeply into what I think he would say is allow your hearts to be sad, to grieve for sure the loss of something good, but do not let it drive us down the empty and endless road of ‘what ifs’ and ‘whys’!

Actually just as another aside in this day of reflecting, I want to encourage anyone who will read this to grieve well. Honestly, one of the things I have learned throughout this journey being sidelined with the concussions is I have not grieved well the losses of my life. As a pastor especially, we are often the ones that people lean on in times of loss. We are the ones who by nature of the role and position wind up being upfront, front and center, helping families, friends, and relatives deal with their loss in all kinds of situations or circumstances. Personally, I led both the funerals of my mother and father and found that I didn’t grieve well either of their passing’s because I was that person in that role. Also, in ministry I have not grieved well the losses that inevitably come with ministry to a community of people wherever they are gathered. From the losses of people for all kinds of reasons today, to the deaths of loved ones, to the ends of ministries and initiatives that are birthed in the hearts and minds of God’s people it is important to learn to grieve well.

William Shakespeare speaking on the importance of learning to grieve well put it this way: “He that lacks time to mourn, lacks time to mend.”

When it comes to the ending of a congregation or any other ending in life it is not unusual for us to want to rush through our grief and pain. It is not unusual in a society built on comfort as the end goal for us to want to minimize the pain, the sadness, the heartache. But honestly, that is the worst thing we can do in the midst of change or times of ending in our lives. Sure, it is not fun by any means to embrace the pain, the sadness, and the heaviness of heart that comes in these kinds of situations and circumstances. But it is necessary if we are going to come out the other side with a healthy sense of perspective that allows us to move on to what God has in store for us in the future.

Well, with that said, or more like with all this written I am going to listen to my own reflections and take some time to engage the grief and the loss. Also, at the same time I will smile and rejoice today when God brings to mind some of the memories and moments that I hope to never ever forget. While I still have more to do at the church today to help bring final closure to the journey, hopefully I can do that well engaging the fullness of all that comes with the end of one chapter and the opening of a new one!

May God richly bless you all in the journey wherever you are!

Trevor